This past Christmas I was blessed with plane tickets to Naples, Flor. My dad had always bragged about going there and spending weeks just relaxing on the beach, I was so jealous. So this past year he treated my family and I with tickets to Naples. I had never been there before and was shocked when I arrived. Our condo was across the street from a Jaguar car dealership. When my sister and I went for a little shopping trip our car was valet. I couldn't believe it, it seemed to me as if I were in the richest part of Florida. The weather was gorgeous. I would much rather be in Flor then back home in Minn. I spent most of the day just laying on the beach getting my tan on. I couldn't believe my dad would splurge on a vacation like this, I'm grateful he did though. Christmas night my family spent on the beach and watched the beautiful sun set. I would defiantly have to say that was one of the best Christmas's I've ever had.
I love your story! That sounds like so much fun and I'm glad you got to do something surprising for Christmas. It sounds like that was a really special time for your family.
ReplyDeleteGrade: 5/10
ReplyDelete• Should be Naples, Fla.
• Run-on sentence should be broken up into two: My dad had always bragged about going there and spending weeks just relaxing on the beach, I was so jealous.
• Should be to tickets not with tickets
• What do you mean by "our car was valet". You had valet parking?
• Run-on sentence should be split into two: I couldn't believe it, it seemed to me as if I were in the richest part of Florida.
• Only abbreviate state names when using with city names (ex. Naples, Fla.) Otherwise, spell them out. x2
• Definitely misspelled
• Should be Christmases (plural not possessive)
• Run-on sentence: I couldn't believe my dad would splurge on a vacation like this, I'm grateful he did though.
Sounds like fun.I think you need to check your AP style rules. Good Job though.
ReplyDeleteWow, I loved reading your story. It sounds like you had a fabulous time! What a great surprise I would love to spend Christmas in Florida.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I love the picture. Second I love Florida. I hope to be going there for internationals. The PTK is having its internationals there and it will include an all expense paid trip. We are right in Disney World so on out free time we hope to hit up some rides! Sweet times.
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